8 Life Tips to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

  1. Pain is part of growing

  2.   Everything in life is temporary

  3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing

  4. Your scars are symbols of your strength

  5. Every little struggle is a step forward

  6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem

  7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE

  8.   The best thing you can do is to keep going

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4 Reminders For People With Depression — Myself Included

When the doctor diagnosed me with depression, I remember thinking to myself, “what a weird nightmare.”

But I never woke up … Because I wasn’t lying in my bed, sleeping; I was awake in an office trying to piece together what exactly the doctor had said. It wasn’t that I didn’t hear her — I kept replaying the moment the words fell out of her sympathetic mouth when she said “depression” — it wasn’t that I didn’t understand her, even though I feared to understand, but this was no longer just a word, void of meaning to me now. It was my word to burden for the rest of my life and I was either going to let it destroy me, day by day, or fight it each day and take control of my life. I chose the latter and I’m glad I did.

There are some days where depression consumes me and it feels like all the hard work and “fighting” that I’ve done thus far seems pointless. But it’s not and that’s important to remember. There will be some days where you’re mentally and physically incapable of fighting due to exhaustion, or even a long day at work can cause stress-induced depression. These constant mental battles are waning, but you wouldn’t know this because my exterior is flawless and the façade I’ve allured you to believe is brilliant; yet deep within my counterfeit, guarded exterior walls, is an internal battle that is mentally destroying me. All of a sudden it feels like depression has the upper hand and you’ll never be able to weigh it down.

But depression only has the upper hand if you allow it. Depression can only conquer you with your permission. Depression is part figment and the more you think about it and worry, the more powerful it gets.

I know it’s easier said than done, but I’m fighting too. You’re not alone. And that’s one of the best realizations: knowing you’re not alone, fighting depression. And I know how tiring it can be to fake a smile, pretend you’re mentally stable and tell people “everything is fine.” But I also want you to know that sometimes it’s okay to be vulnerable and replace the smile with something real — whatever it is that you’re feeling — and to say “actually, I’m not okay today.” Because the reality of it is that nobody will know unless you tell them and let them know of your battle or that you’re having a tough day.

Vulnerability doesn’t have to be bad and I wish I knew this years ago, because I would’ve stopped hiding behind my fake smile and pretending to be someone I’m not. Once I told my family and friends, my vulnerability is what saved me. I got the proper help I needed and the support was overwhelmingly pleasant. People do actually care and will be there to support you. They won’t see you as an unequal or some monster. They will be there for you and it’s your job to let them understand what depression is like, so that they can help. Talking about it with someone is as potent as any anti-depressant medication, without the lingering, harmful effects. So why wouldn’t you do it for yourself? For your happiness and own well-being? I do realize that most people won’t know what actual depression is like, so don’t get frustrated with them – they’re only inquiring to get a better understanding of your pain, so allow them to ask these questions and it’ll benefit both of you.

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So my four reminders for people dealing with depression are as follows:
1) You are braver and stronger than you’ll ever know. You aren’t just a broken soul that is alone in this world. People all over the world are fighting this too and conquering it. They aren’t giving depression permission to sabotage their life and neither should you.

2) You deserve to be happy. You’re not totally useless and you shouldn’t think of yourself as a “bad example.” You’re loved, cherished and this life is a blessing. Let’s use this blessing in a positive, happy way. Don’t watch the news all the time; quit wasting your time on dating sites, waiting to feeling appreciated or seeking affection; don’t feel like you’re not beautiful because you compare yourself to the digitally enhanced image of “Victoria Secret Angels”  — it’s fake — and quit thinking you’re not good enough. YOU ARE!

3) Attitude is everything. This was the hardest realization for me to accept and understand. It sounds cliché and cheesy, but attitude is the “secret” recipe to sustaining and achieving a happy life and suppressing those negative, provoking thoughts that imprison you in your own mind. Think positively about the future, spend more time with family and friends, start to workout — it increases serotonin and dopamine — start writing, this really helped me, listen to music that moves and motivates you, find the bright side in everything and appreciate the small things, and never underestimate the power of “I love you” and say it often

4) Sadness is temporary and is controlled by your attitude. Being sad all the time and wanting to be alone is a constant feeling I had. I hated when people would ask “what’s wrong?” And not like my answer when I honestly responded, “I don’t know.” Because I had no idea what I was dealing with. It’s such a difficult question to answer because I would go out and laugh with my friends, tell jokes, go out and have a lot of fun, had girlfriends and I knew my life was good, and it certainly could be a lot worse. But when I go home, and everyone in my house is asleep, and I’m lying in my bed at 1 a.m. thinking about every mistake that I’ve ever made and wondering if anyone ever really liked me is when it all goes downhill and I start to get emotional. And then I wonder if I was ever really happy. But it’s that kind of mentality that worsened me and kept me in the depression cycle. I finally started to learn to be confident and started giving myself pep talks about my confidence and how I have great friends and a loving, caring family; I would tell myself that I will do great things today and that nothing will stop me. It changed everything. The power of language and coaching your mind to sustain the right attitude has changed my entire life around, for the better.

Never stop fighting… ever.

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The 10 Best Monday Motivational Quotes

Happy Monday, all.

I figured it being the day after Monday, motivation and inspiration are scarce, but always needed. Below are some absolutely awesome quotes about motivation and inspiration. No matter how happy, burdened, stressed, confused, sad or frustrated you are about where you are in life or with your job, school, friends or family, I hope these quotes offer you all the same guidance and strength to continue conquering and making the most out of each day.

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Would you help this child?

It seems selflessness has come a rarity these days, sadly. And self-centeredness has become the new norm, or has it? A YouTube user, FRIKK, decided to conduct a social experiment in Norway just to see if people in the community have really changed their good-willed nature.

Take a look at what happens, it may just surprise you.

Lazy Day or Sluggish Start? Check This Out.. [Video]

Sometimes life kicks me in my a$$ and there are times where I want to give up, go home and wallow in despair. It’s easy to fall victim to that way of thinking and to label us as failures. But this six minute video will help you come out of that attitude and push to your full potential.

Save this video for when you’ve decide to procrastinate than get work done or if you’re looking for motivation to get the job done today, not tomorrow.

Show the world how great you are.

Enjoy guys and subscribe. Thanks!

Maximize Your Life

This will be sweet and to the point. The last few weeks, I’ve been living life as though I was going through a routine — the same mundane motions that I mirrored day-after-day. I was living my life half-asleep, in the sense that I wasn’t awake to realize that life is about so much more than chasing a dollar and saving every penny for retirement that may never come or being too focused on my job that I lose sight on the beauty of life and all the moments that make it worth living — i.e., spending time with your family and friends, being a good friend and spending time with my girlfriend, donating my time, not just money, to charities and my church. Even taking a bike ride around my neighborhood is gratifying. I’m so worried with what tomorrow brings that I get distracted from what I have today, right now, in front of me.

It’s a scary realization that awoke me up from my slumber of mundane motions and idle living. But it’s one that I hope everyone makes, because by the time you realize it, you wish you would’ve done all these things many years ago. But by then it’s already too late and all those moments have passed and now opportunity seems few and far between.

So I propose a challenge: I challenge everyone to do something that they usually don’t do this every day this week, and, most importantly, to make a simple call to the people that matter most to you and let them know just that. You’ll quickly find it gratifying and you’ll be happy you did. I promise. And keep it up, because relationships are as much work as your job is. So don’t focus too much on one job and not on the other. Find a balance and don’t let your life now consume and smother the life you once enjoyed.

Porn: Love Story Between Men & Dominance

As young as 13, I can remember turning to a provocatively titled channel that involved a scantly dressed “bad” girl being “punished” by her male teacher, who had features that seemed to be chiseled out of a body-building magazine. The girl seemed more than submissive to the sexual demands of the male, but, of course, I continued to watch.

Thirty minutes later the man climaxed and it was over, whether or not the girl was satisfied seemed insignificant. This ferocious nature of the explicit portrayal of a male’s dominance in the bedroom began to socialize my manhood.

I realized that boys aren’t trained to love, but to assert our dominance on women through verbal and physical coercion and chastise any man who shows vulnerability. Because of this, boys become men through injury, not the physical kind, but physiological injury.

“I beat that pussy up, bro.”

“You’ve had sex with how many girls? Man, that’s pathetic. Are you gay or something?”

“Be a man and buy the girl a drink and take her home, damn. It’s not that hard.”

Men learn quickly to what it means to “be a man”, and that’s disconnection.

This psychological patriarchy demonstrates two halves; strength versus weakness, rationality versus emotion, self-reliance versus dependency. To be a man, you have to accept one and devalue the other.

What you may have already figured out is society already has the halves picked out for men (i.e., strength, rationality and self-reliance).

The behavior that is displayed in porn is perpetuated by reenactment, which begins a patriarchal cycle making porn it’s propaganda. Guys talk about sex in terms of conquest and destruction, as if they’re fighting a war.

Porn conditions men to hate women. In theory it’s pornography, but in practice it’s rape.

Porn desensitizes males to the violence that will be reenacted on women. The yanking, pulling, slapping, choking, satisfying our needs with little concern to your sexual wants, the submissive, degrading dirty talk (“Who’s your daddy?” “You’re a bad girl.” “You like that don’t you?”). Fast-pace thrusts are what we are conditioned to do.

Women prefer slow, tender, kind love, but where are they going to get that? It’s very tough to try to teach any male how to identify and manage these feelings, remember these aren’t the assigned masculine terms, let alone apply them in the bedroom. The damage is already done and practically irreversible.

This sort of dominance isn’t only in porn. It’s happening in corporate America and in the home as well. Men are domesticating and disempowering women in every aspect of life, not just the bedroom.This control factor, that men need to emotionally, mentally, sexually enslave women, leads back to men being disconnected with women.

Why should women do what men do? Why should women play sports? They aren’t built like men are. Why should women make as much money as men when men are more assertive, aggressive and savvy? A woman doesn’t rationalize, but acts on emotion, what male wants to put up with that? None. We don’t have the capacity to because we’re disconnected from our emotions.

Men have a choice: either perpetuate this objectification and victimization of women with a few minutes of satisfying violence or break the conditioning and vow to see women as equals with deserving respect and needs. To me, a true man chooses the latter.

Quotes

I’ve been lackadaisical since Sunday night, after I indulged in three hours of Netflix — and who said having no friends isn’t fun? At work this week, I’ve been dragging my feet and I drank enough coffee that my name can legally be “Starbucks.”

So, to whom did I turn to when coffee stopped being excitingly stimulating? The internet, of course, for some of my favorite motivational and life inspiring quotes to help me get through the day.

It makes me feel confident and optimistic about the future, and I think we should always feel that way about our futures. The future is a blank canvas and each one of us are artists; let’s all channel are inner-Lenardo da Vinci and paint us a “Mona Lisa-esque” future (was that cheesy enough for you?)

Save these quotes and use them as inspiration — for when the caffeine just becomes a frequent trip to the bathroom or for a rainy day when all motivation seems to be lost — to be a better you and live each day fully, and I encourage you all to share these with people. Because the right words together are so empowering, and make all the difference.

“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk, and when you are so enthralled you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic.” (Diane Setterfield)

12 Quotes that just might change your life

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Be Gay, Be Religious, Be Happy.

I’m getting on the proverbial soap box for an overly controversial, provoking topic that is, arguably, paralleled to the 1960’s civil rights movement: gays.

Why? Because I recently had a good friend and a family member, both with surprising confidence, come out to me — separately, not as a couple.

How did I handle it? With unequivocal support and love. This “development” wasn’t going to hinder our relationship, and I was going to accept them for who they were — contrary to my religious background and political outlook.

But is love and acceptance the same thing? There’s no denying it, I was different around them after they had come out to me: I stopped talking candidly about my relationship with women, and asking for their opinion; I never asked how their love life was, in fear of not understanding or being able to identify — as if homosexuals didn’t experience the same chemistry and emotions as heterosexual do — and I found it rather difficult to come up with ideas of where to hangout, because I didn’t want to “force” heterosexual norms and behavior onto them. I wanted to be more sensitive and understanding.

I hadn’t loved them any differently after they came out. But there’s denying I was different around them — can I still love someone and not accept them? They, my good friend for many years and my beloved family member, were still the same people I’ve known my entire life, nothing had changed that, but yet, our relationship seemed oddly different now. And I wasn’t sure on why.

In my attempts to be more “understanding,” what I was actually doing, in retrospect, was actually the opposite of understanding; I was subtly discriminating against them based off our differences. I was sabotaging my relationships with them, because I started to treat them different the moment they took pride and ownership in who they were.

I started to realize that it had nothing to do with them, but with me and my preconceived notions of what homosexuality “is.”

You see, before I knew what homosexuality was, I was being told that its “different” and “sinful.” These words resonated with me every time some one spoke on homosexuality or if I met a homosexual. Because of these preconceived notions, I was inflexible, and closed-minded on my beliefs.

An obstinate mind is the enemy of change, and it filters the world to such prejudices. 

Here’s the thing about homosexuals: they have 32 teeth, two eyes, 46 chromosomes, a brain — which understands hate, discrimination, prejudice, alienation — a heart — which feels love, heartache, empathy, sympathy and compassion. What may be a shock to you is that I just described heterosexuals, too.

“People are afraid of things they don’t understand. They don’t know how to relate. It threatens their security, their existence, their career, and image.” (Bill Laswell)

I agree with Bill: people fear the unknown. But no matter how science — conclusive evidence that are facts, not preconceived notions — explains the “triggers of homosexuality” and “what genetically went ‘different,'” as if this is some sort of inherited disease like cystic fibrosis, some people can’t help but adhere to their homophobic tendencies.

What’s ironic is that homophobia and homosexuality may be homogeneous in nature — genetically inherited.

With respect to Homosexuality, and this is true especially for men, lesser extent for women. The vast majority of straight men have a visceral aversion to homosexual sex. The aversion occurs at a primeval visceral level and is intense enough to cause vomiting. This has nothing to do with theology and probably little to do with culture as I have seen it across all cultures and socioeconomic levels. It is in my opinion a by-product of evolution . .” (http://www.rci.rutgers.edu/~lcrew/dojustice/j052.html)

You see, we’re more alike, homosexuals and heterosexuals, than we think. But nobody ever told me that, they were always focused on the negative connotations of being a homosexual.

My advice is to free your mind of preconceived notions and, instead, become adaptable and learn to be understanding. Become free of bias.

Furthermore, can’t homosexuals be content with who they are and church goers being content with their love for the lord?

It’s an easy answer: yes. But, unfortunately, society, in general, is about dominance of a set of standards and ideals. And what does this cause? Perpetuated prejudice, hate, and discrimination against everybody.

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” (Gandhi) 

And I’m not sure how many societal eyes we have left, if any. Is blinding the world worth the effort to spread hate and animosity, and for what purpose? If your answer is yes then I pray for you.

There’s nothing wrong or different about somebody who believes in an invisible lord and goes to church regularly; similarly, there’s nothing wrong or different with somebody who seeks love and intimacy with people from the same sex.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” (Martin Luther King, Jr.)

 

I’m proud to say that my relationships with my homosexual friend and family member have dramatically improved since I’ve learned to stop choosing ignorance and stopped allowing fear to run my life. And since then, I’ve started to see them as the equal individuals they are.

All of our eyes are open and it’s a beautiful sight.

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One world, one love.

Find The Beauty In Life

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As I make my way through downtown Lawrence, Kan., I notice a man making noise on two-empty coffee cans. The noise is an orchestrated effort to sound like the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” As I try to recollect the popular lyrics, while enjoying this unusual rendition, I stop and start to walk towards the man. I compliment him on his creativity to make such a beautiful harmony out of coffee cans. He pauses for a moment and looks at me and says, “I was given two-empty coffee cans by a stranger. Now, I’m making music with them. Life is beautiful, but often people are blinded by all the ugliness. I could have been bitter about a stranger giving me these two coffee cans, instead I made music. That’s the beauty of life: beauty comes in many different forms. You just have to recognize it.”

I left inspired and wanted to adopt this idea that life is beautiful, no matter the circumstance. Unfortunately, I feel like people are making life a list full of problems than something beautiful. We don’t have to search long to find negativity. Log onto Facebook or your Twitter account and see the things people are talking about. I would venture to guess that half of what they’re talking about are complaints or problems going on in their life. If I wanted to see the negativity in the world, then I would watch the local news more.

If the biggest complaint you have is stress over your salary job or which should be served with dinner — when 870 million people are suffering from malnourishment and 10.4 million American adults are unemployed — then life isn’t bad.

If a homeless man can find joy from two-empty coffee cans, then who are we to complain about the privileges of having a job and food to eat? I’m not saying that venting is bad, I’m guilty of that, too. I’m suggesting that the positive-to-negative comment ratio be higher than the negative-to-positive comment ratio.

It’s easier to complain about something than to do something about it. I think the problem is that people like to blame others for their problems instead of taking responsibility for their own life. I was infected with this kind of thinking. If I woke up in a bad mood it was the school’s fault for starting at 7:45 a.m. If I did poorly on a test it was because the teacher failed to teach me. If I didn’t perform well in sports it was my parents fault for not buying me the latest-technological gear.

This is a cowardly way of living, by blaming others for your shortcomings; instead, focus on the good things in your life. I wasn’t born to be a spectator of my life, but to be the lead role and it was time for me to start living my life. I will admit, in my opinion, that I think there is more to life than going to school, finding a job, paying bills, starting a family, and growing old — this systematic approach to “living” is outdated and people get sucked into this kind of living and fail to live out their dreams; Now not all people, but most, have things they wish they did before being tied down with all these commitments and responsibilities.

I fell victim to this kind of thinking. I have my degree and now I’m in the transition process from college into corporate America — let me know if any of y’all are hiring, ha ha — and I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. My college career, in retrospect, seems like one big blur (that’s not because of the booze, either), but I regret not doing MORE.

I was so focused on fraternizing, partying, and sporting events that I didn’t soak in everything theUniversity of Kansas had to offer. I’ve been socialized by media on college “culture” on what college is about (going to parties every weekend, drinking all day, going to class only when attendance was necessary, selling your books for booze, one-night stands, etc.) that I didn’t live my entire college career the way I wanted, but the way I thought you were suppose to. I’m not blaming anybody for conditioning me on college expectations, because my actions are in my control, but college isn’t about partying, booze and hook-ups; just like life isn’t just about going to school, getting a corporate job, paying bills, starting a family, and growing old.

Bear in mind, going to school, getting a job, and having a family are important milestones in one’s life, but I feel it’s not what the entirety of life is just about. Life is about taking coffee cans and making melodies – that’s the beauty of life that goes unrecognized. Life is about looking at the ugly and seeing the beauty — not letting anyone tell you what the beauty is.

I often imagine what the world would be like if people had the inability to feel and think negatively. Human emotion is the most powerful thing on earth, in my opinion. All wars, genocides and senseless crimes are provoked by negative emotion. But there is good news, just like we have the power to commit such emotionally-provoked crimes, we have the same power to stop it. Spread positivity in replacement of negativity. We need to keep the world moving forward, not backward. That’s the beauty of life: we have the power to change the world and our lives for the better. I think it’s time we start seeing the beauty in life, instead of the ugliness.

I want to hear from you: what are some life pleasures that you experience daily that many people might not understand or take for granted?