Porn: Love Story Between Men & Dominance

As young as 13, I can remember turning to a provocatively titled channel that involved a scantly dressed “bad” girl being “punished” by her male teacher, who had features that seemed to be chiseled out of a body-building magazine. The girl seemed more than submissive to the sexual demands of the male, but, of course, I continued to watch.

Thirty minutes later the man climaxed and it was over, whether or not the girl was satisfied seemed insignificant. This ferocious nature of the explicit portrayal of a male’s dominance in the bedroom began to socialize my manhood.

I realized that boys aren’t trained to love, but to assert our dominance on women through verbal and physical coercion and chastise any man who shows vulnerability. Because of this, boys become men through injury, not the physical kind, but physiological injury.

“I beat that pussy up, bro.”

“You’ve had sex with how many girls? Man, that’s pathetic. Are you gay or something?”

“Be a man and buy the girl a drink and take her home, damn. It’s not that hard.”

Men learn quickly to what it means to “be a man”, and that’s disconnection.

This psychological patriarchy demonstrates two halves; strength versus weakness, rationality versus emotion, self-reliance versus dependency. To be a man, you have to accept one and devalue the other.

What you may have already figured out is society already has the halves picked out for men (i.e., strength, rationality and self-reliance).

The behavior that is displayed in porn is perpetuated by reenactment, which begins a patriarchal cycle making porn it’s propaganda. Guys talk about sex in terms of conquest and destruction, as if they’re fighting a war.

Porn conditions men to hate women. In theory it’s pornography, but in practice it’s rape.

Porn desensitizes males to the violence that will be reenacted on women. The yanking, pulling, slapping, choking, satisfying our needs with little concern to your sexual wants, the submissive, degrading dirty talk (“Who’s your daddy?” “You’re a bad girl.” “You like that don’t you?”). Fast-pace thrusts are what we are conditioned to do.

Women prefer slow, tender, kind love, but where are they going to get that? It’s very tough to try to teach any male how to identify and manage these feelings, remember these aren’t the assigned masculine terms, let alone apply them in the bedroom. The damage is already done and practically irreversible.

This sort of dominance isn’t only in porn. It’s happening in corporate America and in the home as well. Men are domesticating and disempowering women in every aspect of life, not just the bedroom.This control factor, that men need to emotionally, mentally, sexually enslave women, leads back to men being disconnected with women.

Why should women do what men do? Why should women play sports? They aren’t built like men are. Why should women make as much money as men when men are more assertive, aggressive and savvy? A woman doesn’t rationalize, but acts on emotion, what male wants to put up with that? None. We don’t have the capacity to because we’re disconnected from our emotions.

Men have a choice: either perpetuate this objectification and victimization of women with a few minutes of satisfying violence or break the conditioning and vow to see women as equals with deserving respect and needs. To me, a true man chooses the latter.

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